I accidentally burped into my bong.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize