The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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