he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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