I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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