News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
