I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
