chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she peed on how many people?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
