Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
