ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
