Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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