smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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