ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
