Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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