I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
