just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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