He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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