ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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