I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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