Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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