There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
