I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
