You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
