3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know her cup size but not her name....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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