Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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