Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
