You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
