and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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