i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
