she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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