matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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