too bad you live with your parents still
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
