the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
