You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
