i wish my penis had a tongue
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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