His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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