It's like God shit irony all over that family
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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