He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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