I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
