Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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