I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
