How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
