I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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