my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
