I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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