you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize