she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize