I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize