I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
