The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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