dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
