Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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