Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need water and some morals
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
