So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
