you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
