I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
