he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
