We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we should paint friendship bongs
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