i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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