I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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