I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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