would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
